Social Media Isn’t a Dopamine Giver—It’s a Brain Sucker (And Why You Need a Dopamine Menu)

Yesterday, I was woken up at 6:00 AM to my three year old climbing on top of me in bed, while my 1.5 year old was already screaming to be let out of his crib. I was instantly over the day before it even started.

I dragged myself to the kitchen, made them some quick pancakes, and immediately reached for my phone. I sat there drowning them out with mindless scrolling rather than interacting with them. I just felt this desperate need to shut out the world because I didn't get the "perfect" wake-up routine. You know, the one where I get to make my coffee, have a few peaceful sips before the kids are awake, get breakfast done, and maybe even

start my makeup.

Instead, it was 6:00 AM. Toys were already being dumped all over the living room floor, Ms. Rachel was blasting in my ear singing the alphabet, and I was actively burning pancakes while my toddler screamed because food wasn't in his mouth the exact second his eyes opened.

So sue me. I wanted to just sit in the living room on my phone and shut them all out.

But here’s the problem: after twenty minutes of mindless scrolling, I didn't feel rested. I felt worse. My brain felt sluggish, the mom guilt was creeping in, and the chaos around me hadn't changed. I wasn't scrolling because I cared about social media; I was scrolling because my brain was completely fried and desperately hunting for a quick hit of dopamine to survive the morning.

In that moment I realized I needed to change. The mindless social media scrolling wasn't helping my brain, it was rotting it. It was also then when I found Jessica McCabe from How to ADHD YouTube video from 2020, ""How to Give Your Brain the Stimulation It Needs".

This video she outlines a "Dopamine Menu" that she worked on with Eric Tivers. A Dopamine Menu, she outlines, is a customized list of realistic, quick things you can do to actually reset your brain and get a healthy hit of energy without reaching for your phone. Here is what is on my menu:

🍽️ Appetizers (5 Minute Micro-Resets)

These are the quick things I do in the middle of the chaos that is erupting around me, like when my children are fighting over a car when there are 30 others around them, that help calm my stress response.

• The Ice Cold Grounding Trick: Splashing ice cold water on my face or drinking a giant glass of ice water. (Sensory grounding instantly snaps your nervous system out of "fight or flight" mode).

• The 3 Breath Reset: Stepping into the pantry or turning my back for 10 seconds to take three deep, intentional belly breaths

• The Skincare Quick Fix: Applying my favorite moisturizer or a quick swipe of lip balm. Just a few seconds of a tactile, soothing routine that is entirely for me.

Again, these are just quick in the moment things that I try to use to reset my nervous system to finish the task at hand.

🥩 Entrées (Deeper Recharges)

These require a bit more time and a true break, but they are the things that actually refill my cup and make me feel like me again.

• Writing for Nurture Notes: Opening up my blog draft and letting my thoughts out.

• The Full Skincare & Makeup Routine: Taking 20 uninterrupted minutes to do my full skincare lineup or doing my makeup for the day (even if I'm not going anywhere).

• The Silent Coffee Window: Getting 15 minutes of guarded downtime to drink my coffee while it is actually hot, without looking at a screen. (I am usually within earshot if I am alone, or my husband will keep an eye on them.)

While these may require a bit more planning on where to shoehorn them into the day, I make sure to get at least one in. The morning is usually the easiest because it tends to be a bit slower, making it easier to fit it in.

🍟 Sides (Chore Pairings)

These are the things that have to be done (like the endless chores), but paired with something that gives my brain a healthy hit of dopamine so I don't feel drained, or bored.

• The Audio Distraction: Putting on a podcast, a favorite playlist, or a YouTube video in the background while I tackle the mountain of laundry on the couch or wash dishes. It keeps my mind entertained while my hands are busy.

• The Visual Reset: Utilizing a quick toy rotation or throwing everything into bins out of sight. The dopamine hit here comes from the instant visual relief of a clear floor, even if it only lasts for five minutes.

• The Scented Clean: When I’m done cleaning my bedroom, my ultimate reward is having it clean. However, it also gives me an excuse to use a fragrance diffuser. I like the Pura one, although when I don't want to use that, I will just spray some Febreze or light a candle for that instant cozy feeling.

The sides go best with a chore, or a "have to" that's on your list. I'm sure you can assume the Audio Distraction gets used the most from my list.

🍨 Desserts (Guarded Downtime)

These are pure relaxation. There is absolutely no guilt in doing these, but they have boundaries on them so they don't turn into a "brain sucker" that eats up my entire day.

• Scrolling TikTok: I love a good scroll, but the trick is doing it when the kids are asleep or when I can set a boundary so I don't get sucked into the void. A big help with this one is setting a timer.

• Reading Books: Escaping into a good book when the house is finally quiet is one of the best ways to completely turn off my mom brain. This is best before bed, avoiding staring at a screen to help the brain but also I find to be so cozy.

• Watching Shows with My Husband: Sitting down together at the end of a long day to catch up on our favorite shows is the ultimate way to decompress and reconnect. We have Survivor nights when it is on, or we pick a show together on Netflix. We don't binge the whole season, an episode or two max.

Desserts are important to include in your own Dopamine Menu, it helps remind yourself that you matter too.

It is not a quick fix, nor do I think you will see this post and immediately start applying it to your life. To be honest, even I forget I have these tools to rely on too. So if you take anything from this post, let it be this: "You matter too." You don't have to be the Instagram mom. You just have to be the mom for your kids, and that is it.

Want to create your own? The Dopamine Menu is available as a free download on my [Downloads Page]!